Refusing to miss any emotions
Sarah Cox
Issue date: 10/1/09 Section: Perspectives
Chuck Palahniuk once wrote, "Just remember, the same as a spectacular Vogue magazine, remember that no matter how close you follow the jumps: Continued on page whatever. No matter how careful you are, there's going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn't experience it all.
"There's that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should've been paying attention. Well, get used to that feeling. That's how your whole life will feel some day. This is all practice. None of this matters. We're just warming up."Do we have to forget? Must we miss out on all that life has to offer? Are we all so busy going a million miles an hour to realize that the best is now behind us?
I have always been told that once something happens you are to let it go. My family has always told me I live in the past -- that I cannot seem to let go of things. I will admit that I cannot let go of anything, no matter how hard I try. I cannot seem to escape the grip that the past has on me.
I hold grudges. I am a very judgmental person. If you cross a line with me, that is it. I do not do second chances, and I am not a fan of "forgive and forget." I also believe if you are going to go into something, no matter what it is, you give it all of your heart. You do all that you can to succeed and to fulfill what is asked of you.
I am a perfectionist. I will work for hours on something that is supposed to only take a few minutes. I put all I have into just about everything - as long as I am not being pushed. I work at my own pace with only one thing in mind: to get the job done right the first time.
For instance, each week, I sit at my desk on the third floor with a pencil behind one ear. I soak on all that has happened throughout the week and I pick one thing that got to me in either an emotional, physical, or mental way. I turn that into something I can write about. I sort through details, memorize dates, and I write. The words pour from my mind to my keyboard. I leave nothing behind. I work with speed and the ending product is always something I am proud to print.
"There's that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should've been paying attention. Well, get used to that feeling. That's how your whole life will feel some day. This is all practice. None of this matters. We're just warming up."Do we have to forget? Must we miss out on all that life has to offer? Are we all so busy going a million miles an hour to realize that the best is now behind us?
I have always been told that once something happens you are to let it go. My family has always told me I live in the past -- that I cannot seem to let go of things. I will admit that I cannot let go of anything, no matter how hard I try. I cannot seem to escape the grip that the past has on me.
I hold grudges. I am a very judgmental person. If you cross a line with me, that is it. I do not do second chances, and I am not a fan of "forgive and forget." I also believe if you are going to go into something, no matter what it is, you give it all of your heart. You do all that you can to succeed and to fulfill what is asked of you.
I am a perfectionist. I will work for hours on something that is supposed to only take a few minutes. I put all I have into just about everything - as long as I am not being pushed. I work at my own pace with only one thing in mind: to get the job done right the first time.
For instance, each week, I sit at my desk on the third floor with a pencil behind one ear. I soak on all that has happened throughout the week and I pick one thing that got to me in either an emotional, physical, or mental way. I turn that into something I can write about. I sort through details, memorize dates, and I write. The words pour from my mind to my keyboard. I leave nothing behind. I work with speed and the ending product is always something I am proud to print.
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